Nov 262012
 

What real moms want for Christmas

Anyone else loving the holiday quadrant vest they got last year for Christmas?  The time for cheerfully knitted scenes of snowmen at play is over.  Listen up, Santa, because this year we’re telling you want we really want for Christmas.  You can try to run and hide, but as I’ve learned myself, it’s best to behold the powerful force of mom bloggers and just give them what they want.

I took it to the streets (or rather, to the depths my laptop will reach during naptime) and asked some of my favorite mom bloggers (and the most awesome guy blogger I know too–mom blogging is very gender-inclusive, of course) to tell me what the Big Guy needs to bring them this year.  I don’t want to name-drop, so let me pause and pretend I’m above this for a few seconds…Okay, will just strongly hint that we may be hearing from the likes of The Bloggess and Scary Mommy themselves!  (Yes, I am so excited, I’m peeing my pants a little).

Look forward to one post of some seriously funny requests per week throughout the holiday season  And if you’ve got something Santa needs to hear, please add your own note below.  We want to hear from you!  The quadrant vest is banned and dreams are coming true this season, so join in the fun.

To kick it all off, I’ll share my own humble Christmas wish:

Dear Santa,

I want one product.  As in, ONE.  As in, it’s gotten to the point when I sleepily prep myself for bed at night or crazily slam through the morning mad dash, I have absolutely no idea what I’m putting on my face or in my hair.  It is very possible that the new styling gel I’ve been using for 5 months is indeed toothpaste.  Can you please fix this?  I’d like one magical product that can do it all.  My husband will be extremely grateful for the friendly pat to our budget and I’m pretty sure my bathroom cabinet will forever love you for lessening its excessive product weight burden.

Thanks, Big Guy,

Yours Truly, The Mom of the Year

water cooler

Source
Except, less water, more wine.
As in, all wine.

****************************

First up is Bad Parenting Moments with one of the most practical suggestions I’ve heard in ages:

Dear Santa,

I would like a water cooler filled with wine and a monthly home delivery refill service. I have been a very good girl this year…mostly. 

Very Truly Yours,

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Kathy took the time to cover it all in a sweet poem:

Dear Santa,

I can’t believe it’s time to start setting up the tree.
I need just a few things so that my family will stay happy with me.
Some sleep would be nice, and a meal that’s not cold as ice.
How about a neck that’s not pained and eyes that aren’t strained?
I’d like a butt that doesn’t sag and eyes that don’t bag.
And how about a bra that fits for my new low-hanging bits?
I don’t need much, Santa, don’t you see?
Well, maybe just a vacation all for little ‘ole me.

Kathy (Mommy Frog) of  Kissing the Frog

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Robyn is asking you to just do your job, for pity’s sake, but kindly, she does offer to help with some of the cookie-eating responsibilities.  You’re welcome.

Dear Santa,

This year, I’d like for you to actually do all the things for my kids that you always get credit for. That includes finding perfect gifts, fighting the crowds to get them at a reasonable price, paying for them, hiding them, wrapping them, and making sure they magically appear on Christmas morning, all while never spoiling the surprise. I can’t claim that I was very good this year, but let’s face it – you owe me.

Thanks,

P.S. I’ll still take care of eating the cookies the kids leave out, though.
 
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remote control

Source 
The vessel of blissful peace

Allison speaks the universal yearning for quiet shared by mothers everywhere:

Dear Santa:

All I want for Christmas is a pause button that I can use on my kids to make them just STOP and BE QUIET once in awhile. I promise to use it sparingly. OK, I promise to sometimes not use it. 

Thanks!, 

Allison of Motherhood, WTF?

**************************************************

Janene has got the stuff that really matters all spelled out:

Dear Santa:

This year for Christmas, I would love if you could arrange for the following: 1)  Socks that have some kind of magnetic attraction to each other.  That way when one is under the bed and the other under the couch they can somehow find one another in time for the school bus.2)    A closet that I can walk into through one door as “tired-yoga-pants-wearing-mama” and walk out the other door as “too-hot-to-handle-yowza-mama” – It has to happen in a fraction of seconds so that my children don’t have time to interrupt the process.3)   Chocolate that makes you lose weight and gain muscle.4)  A clock that I can use to alter time:  You know . . . fast forward through the bad times, slow down the good times and freeze those moments that I wish would never end.I swear that I’ve been a “good girl” this year and totally deserve all of these things! Thanks so much . . . oh, and of course, I totally understand if our family “allowance” for presents has already been blown on the 4 tablets, Kindle Fires or what ever it is that my children have decided to ask you for this Christmas.  That’s fine with me . . . after all, the only think I REALLY want for Christmas is the laughter, smiles and possibly a hug or two from each of them.

Love,

Janene from More Than Mommies

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How come you get all the credit?  Jen is calling you out:

Dear Santa,

You suck. Why do you get to bring Lego Death Stars and American Girl dolls while I get to give socks and toothbrushes? I’m thinking of offing you this year and finally getting the credit that is due to me. Watch your back, big guy.

Jen at People I Want to Punch in the Throat

Also, Santa, you may have missed this while holing up at the North Pole, but Jen’s book, Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat, just came out here.  You’ll want to grab a copy for yourself here and then stock up so you can get gift one to everyone on your list (yes, that will probably be quite a few books).

************************************************************************

Laura is just asking for some advice.  Please don’t be so stingy with hoarding your wisdom.

Dear Santa,

My name is Laura. You don’t know me. Because I’m Jewish, I’ve never written you a letter before. As such, I’m certainly in no position to ask you for gifts. But would it be too much for me to ask you to share some of your wisdom? I need to know how you manage to be so efficient with your gift giving, when I can barely manage a trip with my daughter to the grocery store without losing a mitten, or a hat, or my mind. I’m also impressed by your ability to stuff yourself down all those chimneys. I’d love to know how you do it, because I think it would help me figure out how to get into my skinny jeans when I’ve eaten too much peanut butter. I don’t expect you to disclose all your yuletide secrets, but it’d be great if you could share some of your creativity and your tips. Are you on Pinterest?

Sincerely,

Laura from Stroller Parking Only

PS. I left cookies out for you…but then I ate them.

****************************************************

ear plugs

Source
These are so pretty, but surely you can do a little better than ear plugs, Santa?

Janine is only requesting an eentsy bit of peace and quiet:

Dear Santa,

What I would really like more than anything in this world is a vacation from all the noise and chaos that I could have never imagined two small little girls being capable. of.  That said even five minutes of peace and quiet, I don’t think is too much to ask for.  If you can’t see it in your heart to supply me with that, then can you at least bring me a shiny, new pair of ear plugs, pretty please with sugar on top!!

Always,

Janine from Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic

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And to finish out the week, would you mind freezing time a bit for AnnMarie?:

Dear Santa,

This year I’d like the stress that raising a teenager causes to burn the calories that walking on my treadmill is obviously not. It would be nice that if I am stressed out all the time and look like a mess, I’d at least be a fit mess.
 
You know that thing that freezes time so that you can deliver the gifts to all of the children of the world in one night? I’d like that a few times a year so that I can get this house clean and all the laundry done.
 
Can I get a remote that works on people? You know, mutes the whining (or the moms that brag about their kids or act like it is all rainbows and butterflies), pauses the cuteness (or the moments they are sleeping), fast forwards through homework (or time spent with in-laws) . That would be really, really great.

AnnMarie from Tidbits from the Queen of Chaos

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Stay tuned for next week when more mom bloggers tell us what would really rock their world.  Keep those ears perked, Santa, because we’ve got some stuff we really want!
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Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, dedicatedly earning her title one epic parenting fail at a time. When her kids aren't busy pummeling each other with Legos or requiring their 16th sippy cup refill of the day, she tries to offer quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents of the world and all their empathizers. She remains entirely terrified by crafts, promises to never share any useful household tips, and is fully committed to a less serious look at the world of parenting.

Latest posts by Meredith (see all)

  84 Responses to “What Moms REALLY Want for Christmas”

  1.  

    This was awesome Meredith and I am jealous. Did I read correctly The Bloggess, herself, will be contributing? That is truly wonderful and can’t wait to see what she is asking from the big man herself. Seriously, loved this and just so honored to be a part of your Letters to Santa posts. All the letters this week were great and thanks as always Meredith. You truly are the best!!

    •  

      She does have brief, but very funny (and relatable!) note to Santa that we can look forward to! Woo-hoo! Thanks for sending in your note and for playing along, Janine!

  2.  

    This is awesome!

  3.  

    Hilarious. Robyn’s made me snort out loud (SOL). He does get all the glory.

  4.  

    I am so flattered to be included in such great blogging company and on such a great blog like yours. This was a brilliant idea and the answers are hilarious! I’ll be on edge waiting for the next set. So funny and a great way to kick off the season. :)

  5.  

    Love, love this idea! Love all of the wants and needs from the mommies. I want to change mine to what Janene asked for. Can’t wait to read the upcoming ones. Thanks for including me!!

  6.  

    A perfect idea! So glad to be a part of it and I CANNOT wait to see what is next! :)

  7.  

    Santa doesn’t bring presents here, he brings the cheap crap that fills the stockings. The good presents come from Mommy and Daddy. There is no way that bastard is getting the credit! LOL

  8.  

    Lots of great ideas! I especially love the wine in a water bottle one! Excuse me while I go to send an addendum to my letter to Santa.

  9.  

    Love it. And now I have more ideas for my personal wishlist :)

  10.  

    All so awesome!! Magnetic socks and a mute button would be REALLY nice.

  11.  

    These are awesome! Thanks so much for coordinating this and for including me in the fun. Will Santa be guest posting his responses soon?

    •  

      Love your post Laura! As a fellow MOT, I’ve often marveled at Santa’s skills. Checking pinterest now…

      •  

        Kim, Laura did make such a great request! Let me know if you find him on Pinterest, we need to get in the know with his secrets (especially what magical DIY-er laundry detergent is he using to keep his suit so clean??)

    •  

      Laura, it is looking pretty likely that we may be getting a letter from Santa on Christmas Eve, but he may just be directing it to the kiddos? The pressure of responding to all these (very reasonable) requests might be a bit much for the big guy…thanks for sharing your note!

  12.  

    Great ideas! I want in on that water cooler stocked with wine! And how brilliant to think to ask for monthly refills too! : p

  13.  

    I laughed, I cried (from laughter), I printed this out and stuck it on my fridge. Santa, HEAR OUR PLEAS, Pretty Please!

  14.  

    Oooh, I want the mute button for whiners.

  15.  

    What a great idea!!! LOVED every one of these letters! I think I would sincerely just ask for a paid vacation to Hawaii without my children…so that includes someone to watch them and care for them while my hubs and I are soaking up the sun and the fun. :) I will be vague on the time frame… perhaps a month is too long…

  16.  

    Loving it! This was such a great idea, Meredith. I think Laura’s is my fave though they all made me giggle!

  17.  

    These were great!! I definitely have more ideas for my wish list this year now! Thanks ladies! Can’t wait for next week’s list! :)

  18.  

    You realize this is the best thing ever right? It’s like you just threw a slumber party and all the cool kids came over.

  19.  

    If only…… Such a great idea, I can’t wait to read the next list! :o)

  20.  

    Moms ARE the wisest people in the world, we just get no credit for it! Great ideas ladies!

    I want a membership to a “Wine of the Week” club, the kind where it’s delivered right to my door so I don’t even have to change out of my yoga pants. Come on there’s such a thing, right? Add a Chocolate of the Day” to go along with it and I promise I’ll be very, very good for the next few years. ;-)

  21.  

    Awesome lists. I could so be friends with these people.

    P.S. Love the idea of Santa letting us in on his trick to getting down the chimney! I’ve got a few pair of skinny jeans that are collecting dust myself. Share your secret, fat man!

    •  

      Meredith, so true–it’s just selfish for Santa to keep the secret of how to instantly slim yourself. We absolutely need to know this ASAP. Thanks for checking in!

  22.  

    These are hysterical!!! I can’t wait for next week. ;)

  23.  

    I’m lovin it!

  24.  

    We moms really have our priorities straight, don’t we!

  25.  

    i want a new everything–almost—love this :)

    •  

      That would be easier, Lynn–just write “everything” on a piece of paper vs. going to all the trouble of making a whole list ;)

  26.  

    What a FABULOUS idea! So bummed I missed a chance to tell Santa what I really want this year! ;) Love the ones you have gotten so far! Came over via one of my faves, AnnMarie and so glad I did! :)

    •  

      Glad you came by too! And share your note to Santa in the comments at any point during the series–would love to hear from you (plus, he’s gotta know what you want this year, right? ;) )

  27.  

    Love this post. Kathy’s letter cracked me up!!

  28.  

    These are great. And such a great idea for a holiday blog series.

  29.  

    Can’t wait to read more and SO pumped for The Bloggess and Scary Mommy contributions! Also, Laura @ Stroller Parking Only has an interesting idea for Santa to respond to some of them lol!

  30.  

    Brilliant!! My list just got much, much longer! I think every aspect of my list would include red wine in some way, shape or form!
    J

  31.  

    omg, these are beyond hilarious. and awesome. oh yeah, and too true and close to home.

    love the idea of santa writing back – he has time for that, right?

  32.  

    Dear Santa,
    This is a simple wish, this year for Christmas can we PLEASE not wake up before 5am? I know, it’s EXCITING & all, but since I have to stay up late putting together everything YOU take credit for AND you hadn’t granted ANY of my wishes for endless wealth (NOTE: these wishes were made while I actually WAS a good girl – before I had to resort to hiding a bottle of Vodka & a water tight bag of Vicoden in the toilet tank & pretend I have explosive diarrhea to gain access to said hidden gems) I still have to work on Christmas afternoon so while I have been spared time with the in-laws, I would still like some SLEEP!
    Yours Truely,
    The mom who lets her children decorate the tree as only small children can & then re-decorates it @ midnight & is the only one who notices the tree went from jaloppy to Home & Garden worthy!

    •  

      I’m dying, Heather! Pretend explosive diarrhea = total brilliance! Santa better bring you your wish after all that creative effort. And love that you give the tree a little “touch-up” ;) Thanks so much for joining in.

  33.  

    I want one of almost everything mentioned, but am surprised no one mentioned Channing Tatum. I mean, no one. That’s weird.

  34.  

    These are great, I think if I could some how get the wine watercooler it would make my need for anything else on my list much less intense.

  35.  

    Seems the “magic remote control with a pause button that freezes the kids” request is pretty popular this year. I’d like to put a request in for one, too. Thanks, Santa.

    •  

      Good call, JD. If the elves are going to be making some of these remotes, they might as well mass produce and gift us all with this genius idea.

  36.  

    This is awesome!! All of you are so funny!! Glad I came back to read the first installment!

  37.  

    Remotes and pause buttons for the win!

  38.  

    awesome!!!
    Happy Christmas!!!
    JingleBells Jinglebells

  39.  

    I love these even more now than I did when I first read them. It was so fun seeing what I wished for last year. I didn’t get those things last year, darn it! Maybe this year? I need some gadget that will get Nico to see that my way is the right way. And now I’d add some sort of shocker for all the mean girls out there. And the freezing time thing? Yes! Yes! Yes! Merry Christmas, my friend!

  40.  

    It sounds like we share the same Christmas list. Lol! I love it.

  41.  

    You’ve got friends in high places, woman! xo

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