My husband has this silly schtick of being a voice of reason about…everything. Normally, I try not to fault him for this too much. It can be fantastic in matters of budgeting or packing the car for family vacation, and we all have our fallacies. Yet this rationality does become inconvenient when important things need to be doing…like repotting a ginormous 20-year-old plant for the 16,000th time. Or when it’s time to whip out the matching family Christmas jammies.
I don’t want to say that it’s right or wrong to aspire to the idyllic matching family Christmas jammies photo that EVERYONE now takes…or how some of us are more responsible about buying into the craze than others. Hey, we can’t all be perfect. I’m just here to tell you how to make it happen in your home, lest you find yourself with a similarly-minded dude–you know one who doesn’t understand how the joy of the season will only be realized through identical sleepwear. Such poor, misguided fellows…
How to Get Your Husband to Wear Matching Family Christmas Jammies in 10 Easy Steps
- Shop for matching family Christmas jammies on sale the day after Christmas. THIS IS IMPERATIVE–for two reasons. 1) By the time Christmas next rolls around, it will be far past the return date. 2) When your husband is horrified by your purchase and asks, “How much did you spend on these?”, you can most honestly claim, “I got them on sale!”
- Pack them neatly away in your closet (or side of the closet) for the year. This is also very important. If he discovers them with the Christmas decorations or elsewhere in the house before the time is right, your gig may be up.
- Write yourself 10 million notes that you have purchased said jammies and where you hid them. This is being a friend to your middle-aged self.
- A month prior to the Christmas season, drop a small hint. Casually pull up a photo online or point at a sale ad and say, “That’s adorable.” Then immediately move on. Don’t oversell your enthusiasm, and DO NOT LINGER ON THE TOPIC. In fact, have a heavy-handed distraction like, “The dentist said our son needs braces” or “I was thinking of getting a Santa tattoo on my arm” at the ready in case you suspect he detects your genuine interest in family Christmas jammies.
- Repeat Step 4 a couple of weeks later.
- A few days before you plan to whip the matching family Christmas jammies out, act overwhelmed and start ticking items off your Christmas to-do list, “Ugh…I have to pop by the post office, shop for the teacher gifts, get out our family Christmas jammies…”. At this point, he will interrupt you, “WHAT?! Christmas jammies?!” Act indignant, “You knew this! I’ve had them since last year!”
- He will then say he isn’t wearing them. Do not panic; this is to be expected. Roll out your arguments from Step 1, “I can’t return them now! They were basically free!” Become outraged at his illogic as necessary, then leave the room. Do not allow the conversation to progress.
- Get the jammies out, and wash them. Neatly fold and place them in everyone’s drawers. This integrates the jammies fully into your Christmas home and normalizes their presence. He may or may not notice this. Regardless, ignore any protests. See Step 4 for diversion topics as needed.
- On a Thursday morning, cheerily announce to the whole family, “Tomorrow is family Christmas jammies, pizza and movie night!” The kids will be elated! Should your husband still continue his misguided protest, use the kids’ enthusiasm to your advantage, “C’mon, now! The kids have so been looking forward to this!” They may or may not have known about the jammies before this very moment; it does not matter. Your goal is to position your husband in the potentiality of disappointing the family so he feels like a schmuck if he doesn’t go along with the obvious fun. Nothing says love like a guilt trip!
- It is now Friday night! Get the kids and yourself in your jammies. Sit eagerly on the couch…and await your husband’s arrival in his sharp looking family Christmas jammies.
You’re welcome, friends. Godspeed, and may all the family Christmas jammies fun be yours this season. xoxo