I remember in the early days of pregnancy reading an adorable article in one of my parenting magazines that discussed the brilliance of parents being able to sleep in. With some careful planning and some strategically placed boxes of Cheerios that kids could easily grab by themselves for breakfast, the glory could all be yours!
I thought it was a fantastic plan and eagerly looked forward to being this kind of parent–the kind of parent who wakes up fully rested on a Saturday morning.
I even told a friend with older kids about it. Why she didn’t punch me in the face, I’ll never know. If I could go back in time, I would punch myself in the face.
Because then I actually had kids.
And I learned.
I learned the cold, hard truth: I will never be fully rested until EVER now that I have children. By the time they make it through the night sans hysterical fits over blankets falling off beds or imaginary monsters plaguing dreams, we will likely have moved onto early morning soccer practices or some other meet-the-sunrise fun.
It’s a doomed existence to exhaustion.
That’s cool. I signed up for this. Table the gorgeous Star magazines and bubble baths–I’ll catch them in retirement. Maybe.
But the thing of it remains–I miss my husband.
Surely, somehow, by some wild stretch of imagination we could eke out one prolonged morning in bed?
So we tried this past weekend. We really did.
Our son woke up. He’s five, so we barely humored his awakeness–he’s five and can totally handle independence, right?
Our daughter woke up. She is three. We told her to go potty.
That took 10 seconds. We then told her to feed the dog, who was dedicatedly working himself into hysteria as his parents were clearly neglecting him by remaining in bed an extra 4 minutes.
God knows if she actually fed him or how much she fed him. It may have been an entire 40lb. bag. We didn’t care. It bought us at least an extra entire full minute of cuddle time before the psychotic, neurotic dog rejoined us in the bed, rolling his 70+ lb. body on top of mine in panicked fit that we had completely forgotten his existence on this earth.
My husband yelled at the dog. My daughter insisted I help her dress in a tutu. My son wanted eggs.
It was futile.
We had tried.
We had been bested.
It was time to call it a morning and get out of bed. Maybe someday Cheerios can work their magic and Mommy and Daddy can cozy up under those sheets. But for now?
There just ain’t no rest for the weary, friends. No rest at all…Bottoms up with that coffee cup.
Image credit: Depositphotos.com, Image ID:24640397, Copyright:monkeybusiness
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Ohmygoodness–do you live in my house?! Our lab pulls the same antics every.single.morning! They’re so needy, aren’t they? Cute and cuddly, but a third child, right?!
How do I always forget you have a lab too? Can we send them off to a camp together or something, so we have a shot of snagging a few extra snoozing seconds?
Chris Carter says
AH YES…. There is nothing but pure exhaustion from the moment we give birth. And slow easy mornings in bed? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is hilarious.
Bless your hearts for trying though.
It’s been 11 years and we don’t even try… I mean half the time we are already up anyway from a LONG fitful night with one of the kids.
Retirement- I am sleeping every single day until noon.
Let’s plan now on joining the same retirement community. xo 😉
Can I let you in on a little secret? You are close…you are just on the cusp of it…I mean you are really about 2 years away, but just think in nostalgia terms 2 years is nothing (in parenting reality, 2 years is a lifetime)…when your younger one is 5, you honestly will be able to sleep in a little. I promise. It is blissful! Until you hear the older one slam the cabinet door and scream at the younger and then you’re up! ;)-Ashley
I am just going to keep clinging to this hope you speak of 😉
Kenya G. Johnson says
My mom told me that when I was little and still an only child that I wa very independent. She’s leave the cereal in a tupperware bowl with a cover and put milk in a tupperware cut with a lid and put it where I could reach it. I’d get up “make my breakfast” and watch cartoons. Now what i want to know is, when you parents curse you with “payback” how come you don’t get the good stuff?
EXACTLY. Excellent question, Kenya!
Katy Flint says
Our youngest is 10…some mornings we get to spend a couple extra minutes in bed…others there is a demand for pancakes on the weekends. The 14yo is my hope that it is coming…every weekend that we don’t have a child related activity! Hang in there!
Just keep clinging to that hope, Katy! Someday 🙂
Hahaha! We tried this the other weekend… Noah was content tormenting the cats, who thought they were starving to death, while Logan went downstairs and helped himself to breakfast. Ice cream. MY mint chocolate chip ice cream to be exact. That’s getting close though, right?
Very tough blow with the mint chocolate chip ice cream, but A for effort! Let’s call it a win 😉
Lisa @bitesforbabies says
I came to that conclusion once I had mine too! I love everything about having kids, yet I dislike MANY things, such as the NOISE (i.e. screaming, yelling, etc) and the lack of sleep (and my kids actually sleep pretty well!). There’s just NO possible way to prepare oneself for parenthood!!!!
Definitely a few less-than-fun things, Lisa! 😉
Amy Flory - Funny Is Family says
Ashley is right, you’re ALMOST there. My kids are 5 and 7, and for at least a year they’ve been able to watch tv, get themselves some sort of breakfast (yogurt, banana, granola bar), and leave us be. The dog eats after everyone in the family has finished their meal, so he doesn’t start whining until the dishes are being done.
Sounds glorious, right? WRONG. I can’t sleep in. Years and years of getting up with kids has ruined me for lazy mornings.
I am so sorry–and so jealous that you at least get to try–at the same time. To 2 yrs. in my future!