Logic has never been my strong suit. That’s okay with me. I have other positive traits, like being a whiz at online bargain shopping and falling for products then snagging them on the internet for a song. Wait; those may be the same things. Mmmh…like I said, logic’s not really my thing.
Except when it’s the middle of the night. That’s when I shine.
You see, I have been a chronic insomniac for as long as I can remember. I have tried everything under the sun, from prescribed meds to warm milk to on-my-knees praying. It appears that restful sleep and I just aren’t meant to be. I raged over this for years, debated the merits of illegally pursuing horse tranquilizers, then finally picked up a book and settled into a homey wee-hour reading addiction.
It’s lovely. I love my books. A bit tired, but that’s beside the point.
The tricky part comes in the foggy moments, before I fully realize that I am awake and will not be going back to sleep. This is when I Figure Out The World. I am aware, and I am inspired. My husband refers to this as “paranoid”, but let’s not mince words here.
These mid-night moments are when I realize All The Astounding Truths:
There is surely someone breaking into our house downstairs. Unless, of course, it is the friendly raccoon.
I am 100% out of nylons. I have no foreseeable occasion that requires nylons for the next 3 decades, but I must remedy this situation ASAP.
What if I run out of people to follow on Twitter? This could happen! And, since there are only about a bajillion Twitter users, I must prepare myself for the inevitable.
Thank God I organized all the Sharpie markers in the house today.
Definitely someone in our house. Oh gosh, I hope they don’t see the pile of dishes I left in the sink. So humiliating. I am the only person in the world with dishes in their sink.
When should I mail the invitations to my daughter’s birthday party in July. What should I wear? Will my husband grill burgers? Should I wake him to ask?
Speaking of my husband, does he care about the robber laughing at our dirty sink downstairs? Is this an appropriate reason to wake him? Surely…
Also, I haven’t made my Christmas to-do list yet.
Probably cool, it’s only May. Crap! It’s May. I must change us over to spring clothes. Where is the box? Can I even lift the box? Should I wake my husband to ask him to go get the box?
I really want to eat eggs.
Do you think we could keep the raccoon as a pet?
You’ll excuse me, friends, but I may need to go get a bit more rest…
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Cynthia Gabriele Sprouts Consignment Boutique says
I too have trouble falling asleep! I lay there thinking of a million things to do but, there is no energy to get up & do them. Then: the small panic attack starts creeping up! Yikes what should I do? I resort to thinking of the beach & the wave crashing around me hoping it will suppress the panic & loll me to sleep. Not going to happen the heart is pounding too hard! Oh well eventually I fall asleep after about three hours of this scenario from sheer exhaustion.
Such a restful night’s sleep, huh, Cindy? 😉
Susan Maccarelli says
I’m pretty sure that any occasion requiring nylons has become extinct (at least I hope so). So funny. I sleep like a log when given 10 seconds to fall asleep, so I can’t relate to the insomnia, but I can relate to the thought process!
So glad I’m not alone in my crazy. Let me know when you want to plan a nylons shopping trip!
If you have a completely neat house and are well planned for the future, I don’t know if we can be friends. JUST KIDDING! Too bad we didn’t live closer. I’d give you the garage code and you could let yourself in and organize my pantry.
Yes, but see, these are only THOUGHTS that never come to fruition. We can fantasize about the organization together.
My Special Kind of Crazy says
Oh, I love my sleep, but I will often wake at 3am thinking about all the things I forgot to do, or the things I’ll probably forget to do and then try to tell myself not to forget and do them. I am great at making 3am lists.
3am lists are a powerful force 😉
YES! This is exactly the time I do the same thing. I remember names of restaurants I liked when I was 9, my forgotten iTunes password, and unreturned phone calls. I’ve started keeping a notebook by my bed because if not, I don;’t fall back to sleep…I’m too stressed trying to remember it all!
And yes, I think you should keep the raccoon as a pet.
Yay! Here’s to the raccoon 🙂 And smart call with the notebook–on it.
Kathy Radigan says
This is great! I’m impressed you didn’t wake your husband up right that very minute and ask him to help you bring the box down. Not that I have ever done anything like that myself when I can’t sleep and I’m solving the worlds problems in my bed, but I have heard that some women do! Love this!
It makes me feel relieved to know there is another gal on the job of solving all the world’s problems. xo, Kathy!
1. This explains so much. Like, how do y’all *look* like you’re asleep, but then think to ask us questions? The lights are out, but you’re open for business. With fellas, sometimes, the light is on, and we’re still closed for business.
2. Any time I can’t sleep, I read half a page of a book. That about does it.
3. You’ve inspired my Monday post. I want to give you all – meaning, your gender at large – a glimpse into what we men think about during this same time of night. I’ll link up to this beaut.
CANNOT WAIT for Monday, Eli 🙂
It’s up! Thanks for the inspiration.
Too much fun, Eli! Thanks for clearing up the male mind for us!
OMG. You both are spot on! Although I have been divorced for longer than I was married at this point in my life, I still do this, but the husband’s roll is filled in with “me n the kids”. This was so funny and so scarrily accurate!
Julie, love that you can relate! Power on with all that superior midnight thinking 🙂
Kathy at kissing the frog says
I love you, Meredith.
Ditto, always, Kathy.
Bethany Thies says
It is currently 2:31 a.m. as I type this. I understand. Also, dishes are currently in my sink.
Solidarity, love. Solidarity.