Logic has never been my strong suit. That’s okay with me. I have other positive traits, like being a whiz at online bargain shopping and falling for products then snagging them on the internet for a song. Wait; those may be the same things. Mmmh…like I said, logic’s not really my thing.
Except when it’s the middle of the night. That’s when I shine.
You see, I have been a chronic insomniac for as long as I can remember. I have tried everything under the sun, from prescribed meds to warm milk to on-my-knees praying. It appears that restful sleep and I just aren’t meant to be. I raged over this for years, debated the merits of illegally pursuing horse tranquilizers, then finally picked up a book and settled into a homey wee-hour reading addiction.
It’s lovely. I love my books. A bit tired, but that’s beside the point.
The tricky part comes in the foggy moments, before I fully realize that I am awake and will not be going back to sleep. This is when I Figure Out The World. I am aware, and I am inspired. My husband refers to this as “paranoid”, but let’s not mince words here.
These mid-night moments are when I realize All The Astounding Truths:
There is surely someone breaking into our house downstairs. Unless, of course, it is the friendly raccoon.
I am 100% out of nylons. I have no foreseeable occasion that requires nylons for the next 3 decades, but I must remedy this situation ASAP.
What if I run out of people to follow on Twitter? This could happen! And, since there are only about a bajillion Twitter users, I must prepare myself for the inevitable.
Thank God I organized all the Sharpie markers in the house today.
Definitely someone in our house. Oh gosh, I hope they don’t see the pile of dishes I left in the sink. So humiliating. I am the only person in the world with dishes in their sink.
When should I mail the invitations to my daughter’s birthday party in July. What should I wear? Will my husband grill burgers? Should I wake him to ask?
Speaking of my husband, does he care about the robber laughing at our dirty sink downstairs? Is this an appropriate reason to wake him? Surely…
Also, I haven’t made my Christmas to-do list yet.
Probably cool, it’s only May. Crap! It’s May. I must change us over to spring clothes. Where is the box? Can I even lift the box? Should I wake my husband to ask him to go get the box?
I really want to eat eggs.
Do you think we could keep the raccoon as a pet?
You’ll excuse me, friends, but I may need to go get a bit more rest…