It’s insane, really. Or maybe inane. Or maybe both. I must cumulatively check my e-mail about 30 times a day. What the heck am I looking for?? What could possibly be so very important to a 30-something suburbian mom of two under 5? Nothing, let me tell you–NOTHING.
In my defense, snatching up my very non-trendy, non-iPhone smartphone is a brief slice of connection to the larger world when nonsensical debates with toddlers over why we must wear shoes when it’s 30 degrees outside are raging large. It’s a tether to sanity, and I refuse to totally beat myself up for being fully attached to this technological wonder.
But what am I so desperately hoping for each time I log onto my online world? I’m not entirely sure, but some e-mail fantasies that initially come to mind:
Someone RSVP’d yes to our Christmas party! I will not be left looking like the lame loser with excess bottles of wine surrounding me. On the other hand, excess bottles of wine…
I will get the gig I have been waiting to hear about! A glorious e-mail will come through, notifying me that I was the perfect candidate, the stuff of their dreams, and they weren’t able to e-mail sooner because they were so in awe that I actually existed on this planet.
A purchase has been made for my Stella and Dot trunk show! Wa-HOOO!!! I will actually be able to donate money to the Families of the Chester County NICU without being the total tool who doesn’t know how to support a worthy charity to save her life. There is hope.
A dear long-lost friend has recently moved into the neighborhood and wants to now be my BFF! We will drink obscene amounts of coffee and chat about normal things–like how we try to get through our day without wanting to bash our heads into the wall in frustration over navigating preschool pick-up. It will be awesome.
Pay day! Yes, the money from all that work I did will magically flow in at the same time after being held up in that bureaucratic red tape and for one sweet day, I can order up at The Starbucks sans the guilty feeling.
I won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes! Oh wait, this is still semi-reality. Excuse me while I shake myself from this deep dreamlike state…
In the meantime, e-mail-check on, my friends. Who knows? Maybe someday that pot will actually boil.