To be exact, I’ve had a witness now for 3 yrs., 3 months and 9 days.
Do you think Harry Potter could hook me up
with one of those invisible capes?
Since 2009, I’ve had a short little person following me around, keeping me within his sights. The difference between now and a year ago though, is that now he can talk–a lot. And relatively clearly, in full sentences, and with a pretty sharp memory. This could be a really good thing. If, for example, I was ever accused of a crime (as the likelihood of this is high–you know those suburban SAHMs are always the top suspects), my son could well vouch for the fact that we actually spent the morning in the backyard sandbox. If we managed to somehow leave the house, he could easily give you a blow-by-blow of our trip to “the bank machine” (the ATM, for those of you not versed in toddler-speak). As far as alibis go, should I find myself erroneously linked to a crime ring, I’m covered.
Perhaps slightly more applicable to reality, having a dedicated little witness follow all your steps means that your act has to be squeaky clean. Mommy gets slightly road-rage-y when she is running late? Guess who is chanting, “Turn green! Turn green!” every time we hit a red light on our next trip out. I really feel like noshing on some chocolate mid-day, but don’t want my kids to partake? Unless I chow down while sneaking it on a bathroom break (which is so sketchy, on so many levels), it’s not happening. Yell at the dog to stop acting hysterical for the upteenth time that day? Very weird to hear my toddler admonish, “Just settle down already, Bailey!”. Yawning throughout the day, my son is all to happy to report to Daddy upo
n his return home that, “Mommy needed a nap!”.
Good reminder to keep your behavior in check, but it is slightly spooky. These little guys have got an eye trained on you at all times, people. And they’re not blinking.