The Parenting Vernacular

When does parent-speak first develop?  In utero?  After birth?  Upon initial notions of conception?  I’m not  sure, but I know there is a whole boatload of ridiculous things I say on a daily basis that largely make no sense.

Source: Microsoft Office Clip Art

My sister works in a nursing home and told me the other day that she was going to have to stop hanging out with me because she has started saying “Wow-wee!” all this time.  In her words, “this may work well with kids, but 80 yr. olds respond less well.”  Why do I even say this?  Why must every “wow” be followed up with a “wee!”?  It is causing me to lose what little adult companionship I have in my life.  This is not good.

My husband and I speak of “the morning round-up” with regularity.  We understand this refers to the morning routine of hauling everyone out of bed, toileting them and throwing breakfast in front of them before anyone can throw a temper tantrum, but it sounds like we are herding cattle.  A reasonable comparison, but still…

Pooping on the potty becomes “taking a poopster”, “M&Ming it” (when we give our son his bribe for using the potty) is now a verb, and “the good stuff” is the brand-name formula vs. generic.  “Stealing a program” is when Mommy and Daddy go crazy at night and try to sneak in watching a TV show after the kids are in bed and before we ourselves pass out.  The need for a “hose down” is when the grime accumulated on your child is so extreme, a bath is the only way to go.  And obviously, “giving it a blow” is when my son fake sneezes just so he can pull out a kleenex and wipe his nose just so he has an excuse to use the fancy new automatic trashcan.

I looked up “vernacular” at Merriam-Webster because I wasn’t entirely sure of the definition:

of, relating to, or being a nonstandard language or dialect of a place, region, or country


So who’s in on this new language?  What words do you have to add to The Parenting Vernacular?

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Meredith

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, where she dedicatedly earns her title one epic parenting fail at a time, offering quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents and all their empathizers. She has been part of several best-selling anthologies, featured on prominent sites such as Huffington Post, In the Powder Room and BlogHer, and loves her role as the Executive VP/Operations Manager of The BlogU Conference. When she's not breaking up fights over Legos and juice boxes, she remains fully committed to sharing a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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