Sep 092013
 
Migraine Mommy preschool pick-up @meredithspidel

Won’t lie. This is my favorite selfie ever, but clearly, I need help.

I need to introduce someone who is going to be hanging out around here a bit.  Let me rephrase:  I pray she is going to be coming back a whole lot more.  Please be really nice to her so she does.

Alisa is funny, and her witty sense of humor has captured me.  She is also incredibly smart and full of useful tips like taking a successful selfie, which she writes about below.  Who actually knows how to take a good selfie?  No one, that’s who.  Except Alisa.

Rumor has it that she even knows stuff about cooking and crafting.  She called herself the “anti-Meredith”. I told you she was funny.  Since I ignore these topics like the plague, I think they may be way overdue for some attention at The Mom of the Year, so I’m going to step aside and let her mention these things if she feels so inclined while she is discussing real-life how-tos that we mommas need to knowI will just be shuddering in the corner on these days when dusting is mentioned.

Alisa is not a blogger (gasp!), just a cool gal.  As she self-describes, “Alisa is a stay at home mom of two boys, ages 3 and 15 months. When she’s not chasing after them, she enjoys wine, sleep, cooking and crafts. She does not enjoy cleaning her house, laundry, changing diapers or exercising, but she does those things too because avoiding them usually ends badly.”  Good night, I like this gal.

So will you please join me in saying hello, show her the love with some comments, and beg her to come back with me?  Take it away, Alisa!

******************************************************************************

I have never been a popular girl. Not to say I’m not likable, but I’m not exactly fashionable. (In fact, my little sister has been dressing me since I was in high school and still is.) In addition to my fashion ineptitude, I have very little interest in what (or who) celebrities are doing, what the best reality show is or anything else about popular cultural. College was probably the highlight of my trendy days; I ran with the hipster crowd, danced at underground clubs and listened to obscure bands that most people didn’t even know existed yet. I had an extremely cool boyfriend (who turned out to be gay which probably explains a. why he was so cool and b. why he was dating me.)

Now that I have entered the bubble of motherhood, I have even less time for TV, lollygagging on the internet, figuring out what to wear, or even the news. (Let’s face it, when you are forced to become an expert in sleep training, diaper changing and researching the latest kid shows that aren’t so obnoxious you want to throw up, (Ahem, Yo Gabba Gabba) it is hard enough just to find time to bathe and dress yourself, much less worry about what’s trendy.) Thankfully, my husband keeps me abreast of the popular memes and what’s going on in the news so that I can make conversation with the other moms at the park. But as my children get older, I realize more and more that I have to keep up – at least with what’s trending on the internet. First and foremost, to protect my children from the big, bad evils of the internet world, and second to ensure I am not so utterly embarrassing that my children refuse to associate with me through their adolescence. With that in mind, I’m on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and even Snapchat. (Though I really don’t understand the hype about Snapchat. The pictures are poor quality, there are plenty of alternative formats to share pictures on and the only kind of pictures I can think of that you would want to only last for 10 seconds are the kind that get Anthony Wiener in trouble.)

I digress. Now, given my lack of trendy mom credentials, you might think that selfies would not be my forte. (For those new moms who have been stuck in the blur of sleepless nights and poopy diapers, a selfie is usually a camera phone self portrait.) On the contrary, I was born for the selfie. I’ve had a knack for finding the spotlight and hamming it up since birth, which is what earned me the nickname “Hambone” as a kid.

So without further ado, The Art of the Selfie:

DO look away from the camera, in a thoughtful manner.

thoughtful face selfie @meredithspidel tips with alisa

DON’T do the duck face. Just don’t.

kissy-face-selfie tips with alisa @meredithspidel

DON’T try to make a kissy face. It looks like a duck face.

kissy-face-selfie tips with Alisa @meredithspidel

DO send the sultry ones to your hubby.

sultry-selfie tips with alisa @meredithspidel

DON’T turn on the flash. (If you do, see Meredith on how long the temporary blindness lasts.)

My retinas are still burning

My retinas are still burning

DO use natural light. DON’T sit in front of your bay window trying to catch the last of the natural light at dusk. Your neighbors will think you’re a weirdo.

natural-light-selfie tips with alisa @meredithspidel

DO take your picture from an interesting angle that makes you look more flattering. (This one makes me look skinnier. Yes!)

angle-selfie look skinny @meredithspidel tips with alisa

DO use props. Or just drink beer because it’s good.

prop-selfie picture with beer tips with alisa @meredithspidel

DO take them after your kids go to bed and you’ve had a few drinks with your husband. DON’T post these ones on the internet.

after-drink-selfie-1 tips with alisa @meredithspidel

after-drink-selfie @meredithspidel tips with alisa

DO beware of what’s in the background of your picture. I have a couple of little photo bombers in my house. How about you?

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Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, dedicatedly earning her title one epic parenting fail at a time. When her kids aren't busy pummeling each other with Legos or requiring their 16th sippy cup refill of the day, she tries to offer quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents of the world and all their empathizers. She remains entirely terrified by crafts, promises to never share any useful household tips, and is fully committed to a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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  30 Responses to “The Art of the Selfie”

  1.  

    Alisa is my kind of gal! Except for the cooking and crafting and stuff :) Thank you for the how-to instructions for the selfie; I’m guilty of the kissy face with my kids and then I DO look like a duck. You have made me a better person today, Alisa.

    •  

      If you can take a selfie, you can cook and craft. It’s not that scary. Promise! And the cooking is helpful when you are responsible for feeding small people. :-) Thanks for the warm welcome!

  2.  

    Oh how funny. And you aren’t a blogger? You’re missing your mark. ;)
    I hate those “duck face” photos and also the ones younger women post with their tongue out doing the peace sign.

  3.  

    Love! Love! Love this!

  4.  

    I love the tipsy ones! These are great tips- I’m off to try them out! It’s going to be super sexy- I’m in my robe and my hair looks like Don King’s.

    •  

      Can’t wait to see them! I love that there are two of the same picture in the tipsy ones. Clearly shows what state of mind I was in. :-) And that right there is why you DON’T post the tipsy ones!

  5.  

    Nice post! Nothing like a good laugh on Monday morning :)

  6.  

    Great tips! Tried them all. My face still looks like a burger which has been sat on by a elephant :)

  7.  

    Love this, I may actually post something on Facebook now that I have been properly instructed. Thanks Hambone.

  8.  

    Honestly, I’m not normally a fan of “selfies”, but this is pretty funny. These tips could class them up a bit and change my mind. Hope to hear more from you.

  9.  

    Oh EmGeeeeee! This post is HILARIOUS!!! Totally made my Monday! I will be back for more, MotY! Thanks Alisa for clarifying this! Now if you could only start a selfies school for pre-teens…

  10.  

    I feel so not cool or hip bc I never take selfies — maybe I will have to try so I am as cool as you ladies!

  11.  

    I HEART Alisa!!! She is so darn CUTE!! I have never ever taken a selfie. I honestly had no idea what they were!! I guess I’m more clueless than your average sleep deprived poop wearing mom… ;)

    This post is hilarious!!

    •  

      Thanks! It’s hard to make time for selfies when you are so busy snapping pictures of your adorable kiddos! Give yourself a break. :-)

  12.  

    I needed this post because I truly suck at the selfie pic. I think I have taken only one that I can put on the blog and it is now my “crazy face” if that tells you anything. I’m going to go try and do the sultry one and send it to my hubby. :)

  13.  

    Alisa, you are so funny!!! Loved this post!! I’ve never taken a good selfie so I needed help!! Keep blogging!!!

  14.  

    BAHAHAH! I love this! I have a cousin who sticks her tongue out in every single picture. And that’s fine. But when you post 1,405,023 of yourself on Facebook, it gets awkward, you know? We actually tried to indiscreetly call her out on it, but she didn’t get it. Such a shame.

    Why aren’t you a blogger? You are HILARIOUS! Make sure to let us know when you start as I’ll be one of your first followers!!!!

    Thanks for the laugh!

    •  

      Thanks Dani! Until Meredith decides to start making me pay rent I’ll be right here at Mom of the Year. Aren’t I lucky to get such a sweet deal?!!

  15.  

    Funny and right on the mark! Who knew selfies could be such an art form? I did not even know what a selfie was until now but will definitely start experimenting! Thanks for the laughs Alisa

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