Dec 102012
 

What real moms want for Christmas @meredithspidel #dearsanta

Christmas is nearing, and these mom bloggers are keeping the dream of a magical holiday alive.  Anyone else getting giddy fantasizing about a Christmas sans the requisite scented bath and body lotion set?  I am believing that we can go bigger this year, ladies!  Hold onto the hope!  A stocking with something other than packs of gum can happen.

Cozy up around all the festive lights and let your imaginations run wild with us as we share what would really rock our worlds this holiday season.  Snap to, Santa!  You’re on duty here, and this important stuff!

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Christian, one of my all-time favorite bloggers (with his cohort, Pat at Point Counter-Point Point Point), is so cool that when I asked him to participate in this round-up of mommy requests, he didn’t even bat an eye over the fact that he’s a man.  He’s just so darn awesome, it seemed remiss not to include him, and he rolled with it beautifully.  Santa, give this man some well earned Christmas-wishes-come-true:

Dear Santa,

First off, I want to say I think you are doing a bang up job with this
whole present delivering set up of yours.  Really top notch. You should be
proud. Second, I hope you have noticed the nice bottle of Kentucky bourbon
that is accompanying this letter. It’s all yours. Really. Just consider it
a token of my appreciation for the outstanding “job” you are doing.
 
Now let’s get to business. For Christmas this year I would like a device
that could continuously respond back with a random answer anytime a
child’s voice asks “Why?”. The answers are not important, as I have
learned, as long as it can continually answer, every couple of seconds or
so, over long periods of time without going insane. I mean breaking. I’m
thinking something like the iPhone’s Siri but with some kind of military
grade resolve. Preferably it would be something you could attach to the
kid.
 
If for some reason you can’t deliver on this device please send the bottle
of bourbon back to the return address on this package. I’m going to need
it more than you.
 
Thank you and Merry Christmas.

 Christian of Point Counter-Point Point Point

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Extra arm

Source
An extra one or two would be great

Toulouse and Tonic would just like an extra limb, please:

Dear Santa,

This year for Christmas, I can’t think of anything I want more than a third arm. Since I’m always holding a baby with one arm and trying to get my 5-year-old juice with the other, I really need a third arm in order to either eat something myself or more importantly, work on my blog. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe a third and fourth arm would be more helpful. I don’t need any extra bulk under my shirt, what with the mom belly and the ungainly boobs, so if you could just tuck them under my current arms and maybe make them extendable, that would be just peachy. Happy holidays and ho ho ho.

Toulouse from Toulouse and Tonic

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I think JD Bailey is setting extremely reasonable expectations:

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year, I would like a magical machine that can clean and put away both laundry and dishes while simultaneously cleaning the house and giving me a relaxing massage that instantly melts away 10 pounds.

Too much?

FIne. I’ll take a new pair of slippers.

Love,
JD Bailey of Honest Mom

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maternity jeans

Source
Just get the things to stay up–it doesn’t matter how

For goodness’ sake, Santa, isn’t it enough work for Kari to be pregnant without having to fight with her pants all the time?:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas this year is a pair of maternity pants that will actually stay put (I seem to forever be pulling them up these days… they just refuse to cooperate like a good pair of pants should).  I’m confident that you and your elves can come up with a practical, yet stylish solution to my fashion dilemma (and I promise not take your idea and make millions from it).  Just a pair of pants (or two) is all I ask.

Thanks, Santa, you’re the best!

Your’s truly,

Kari of Once Upon Our House

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How are you elves with making robotic body doubles?  Delilah is requiring one:

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a very good girl this year….well, for most of the year anyway but let’s not split hairs, ok? In return for my semi-halfway-kind of decent behavior this year I would like you to bring me a robot. Not just any robot though. I want a robot that I can program to clean my house, cook our food, drive my kids around…parent my kids, listen to my husband talk about cars, and deal with solicitors. Oh and can you make her look like me? No need to wrap her up, just plop her in front of the Christmas tree wearing some fuzzy slippers and stick a cup of coffee in her hand. No one will know the difference. 

Thanks Santa,

Delilah of Confessions of a Semi-Domesticated Mama

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footie pajamas

Source
Steph is getting cozy and looking AWESOME

Steph has the most perfect day (and the perfect pj’s) imaginable in mind:

Dear Santa,

I would like my own pair of footie Pajamas (these can be found at Target for $25) and a grow-up sippy cup so that I, like my children, can also have the luxury of drinking while lying down. Nothing would please me more than to drink a mimosa in bed, in these pajamas, while re-reading Shades of Grey on my Kindle. I simply can’t bring myself to drink orange juice and champagne out of Dora the Explorer. If it’s not too much to ask, I would like my sippy cup to have holograms of scenes from Magic Mike.Thank you for considering.

Love,
Steph from Binkies and Briefcases

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Christine took the time to rhyme for you!  Give her whatever she wants now:

 I don’t ask for much, Dear Santa,

it’s the first time I’ve written in years.
I don’t need an iPad, the Kindle HD,
or a brand new appliance from Sears.
I don’t want a new wardrobe,
or new pair of shoes,
or shiny new earrings to wear.
A DSLR in a new camera bag–it’s not on my list, I swear.
 
I don’t want a new  laptop, or acoustic guitar,
or a new silver pen, or a best selling book,
My wish this year is as simple as this:
That my children will eat what I cook!
 
If you could silence their “Yucks!” and their “Blahs!” and their “Ews!”
all of my dreams would come true.
If they no longer said that they hated my food–
I’d owe a great debt to you.
 
If their “Blecks!” were replaced with hearty “Yums!”
and they begged me for seconds and ate all the crumbs,
I would jump for joy and feel so blessed–
This, Old Elf, would be the absolute best!
 
I know you can make it happen–but if it’s not meant to be–
could you throw me a bone, or give me a break,
and send someone to cook for ME?
 
Pretty please?
XOXO,

Christine from More than Mommies

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Mickey Mouse

Source
At some point the mouse has gotta stop dancing, right?

Motherhood on the Rocks is a tired mommy who just wants that darn “Hot Dog Song” out of her and a few other simple things:

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a really good girl this year. I dutifully take care care of diva, kiss my husband goodbye every morning without gagging (at least not in front of him), try not to complain too much about stinky the dog, and always resist the temptation to crack open a beer at 10 a.m.  I think I should definitely be on your nice list. In light of that, I’d really like one day without Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (or at least the ability to keep the “hot dog song” from getting stuck in my head), an instantaneous potty training program and to wake up without feeling like I’ve been hit by a big rig. So there you have it, Santa, a few simple requests from one very good and very tired mommy. I’d be ever so grateful if you could get your elves to work on these. And Santa, if you can’t fulfill my Christmas wish list, then I’m gonna need a lot of tequila.

Motherhood on the Rocks

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Roshni is so kind; she’s taking time to check with how you’re doing before she makes a request for a single extra hour:

Hi Santa, Surprise! I wasn’t sure whether you would find my note among the millions that you receive this time of the year so I thought I would personally come by and read it to you! Here goes! 

*Ahem* How are you doing, by the way?! You look so wonderful today….all bright and cheery and ……yeah, okay, I see you’ve already easily penetrated through the obvious flattery! I forgot that you’ve been through millions of letters all cloyingly sweet, trying to convince you how perfect each one of them has been when you know, from watching them all year, that they’ve been perfect monsters! 

Okay, here’s the deal! You don’t look good! You look tired…probably sifting through all those ginormous lists has weakened your old eyes (how old did you say you were? You didn’t? Okay, moving on!). Your skin has lost its color from having to pick and choose what gifts you can finally gather together and your hair is standing on end because you’ve been working with your elves day and night for the last month. So, you look terrible. Huh? Oh, you’re welcome!

So, coming to the point, I’m here to ask you a teeny tiny favor….yes, I know you think you’ve heard that one before but give me a minute to explain! All I want is one measly extra hour for each day! There! That’s not too hard, right!?! Why are you looking at me like that? I tell you, compared to all the Nintendo DS’s and the personal ponies and puppy dogs and private islands, this one is peanuts! I mean, you travel all around the world in a single night on your reindeer sled; while you’re at it, can’t you do some minor axis tilting stuff to the earth to have us gain that extra hour?

Downton Abbey

Source
A beyond reasonable reason to need an extra hour in the day

And, I’ll tell you why I need it! Look, I work outside home, right? So, I get up at 5.30 a.m. every week day, I make and pack lunches, I get myself ready, get the kids ready, we all leave, I drop the kids to school, I drive some 20 miles to my workplace, work all day, drive back the 20 miles, pick up the kids, bring them home, get them in the tub, start dinner, get them out of the tub, help them with their homework, give them dinner, listen to their complaints about said dinner, either cave in or hold strong about bribing them with dessert if they finish the ‘vile’ dinner, read them story books, tell them ten times to go to bed, finally get them off to bed, and then fall asleep on the couch while watching TV! Of course, the husband helps, but you know…..Okay, so here’s the deal about the extra hour…..somewhere in between, if I can have one hour to myself where I do nothing but something for me, for just a little philosophical soul-searching, how wonderful would that be!! Do I see tears in your eyes? No? Okay, fine! I need that extra hour so I can see Downton Abbey and Castle on Hulu, okay?!!! I haven’t been able to keep up so I need to know what happened with Lady Mary and Matthew and Bates and the rest!! And, have you seen the last sizzling episode of the last season of Castle….hey! Where are you off to? What? I need to keep this conversation G-rated? Uh…are you going to help me out or not…..Santaaaaaa!!!!!!

Roshni of Big A Little a

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Alright folks, we’ll let Santa have a little rest before we come back for one final weeks of making our wishlist pleas.  Don’t forget to add a Christmas wish of your own below if you’ve got something the Big Guy’s gotta hear.  Happy counting down to Christmas!

 

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Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, dedicatedly earning her title one epic parenting fail at a time. When her kids aren't busy pummeling each other with Legos or requiring their 16th sippy cup refill of the day, she tries to offer quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents of the world and all their empathizers. She remains entirely terrified by crafts, promises to never share any useful household tips, and is fully committed to a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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  34 Responses to “What Moms REALLY Want for Christmas: Week 3”

  1.  

    Another awesome list of Santa letters. I know I already put my request in with my letter, but seriously some of these were too good not to want to add a few to mine own now, lol!! Thanks again Meredith for sharing these, so very well enjoyed :)

  2.  

    These get better every week!!!! I love counting down with the Mommies :)

  3.  

    Is it too late to add “an extra eye in the back of my head” to my request? ;)

  4.  

    Another awesome post to start off the week! I love these!!!

  5.  

    So funny! As an elementary school teacher, I always get loads of shower gel/shower puffs/lotions. And scarfs. I had a coworker who had a great speech that she gave every year during open house, she always worked all these pretend “subliminal messages” about starbucks giftcards in. It was so funny and it always worked…. I could never pull that off because I wouldn’t want to seem like I expected a gift.

    •  

      Ha! Subliminally working to score Starbucks! She sounds brilliant–and totally like my kind of woman. And hey, at least you will always be clean and smell pretty with all that fancy shower gel and lotion, right? ;)

  6.  

    Thanks so much for posting my letter!!
    By the way, in appreciation of my readers and commentors, I posted this today: http://www.bigaandlittlea.com/2012/12/top-commentors.html. Do come over and check it out!

  7.  

    LOVE these letters! Again, I will ask for an all expense paid trip to Hawaii, with a nanny included to babysit and care for my kids back home. My husband and I only ask for one month AWAY. That’s it Santa. Please!!!

    •  

      I just think this is the most reasonable request ever, Chris. I mean, it’s only one month. No idea how Santa couldn’t grant this wish!

  8.  

    Once again, another great list! :) Too funny about the bath and body set. Why is that the go-to gift anyway?!? Loved Christian’s request. I seriously need that device!! Also love Christine’s poem. Too cute! I’m with the others, I need to add to my list now! Haha!

    •  

      The elves seriously need to give the body lotion-making a rest and focus on development of Christians’ device. Far more practical…;)

  9.  

    Oh man! Can I change mine to…everything on everyone’s list!!!

  10.  

    These are all so funny! I really want Steph’s footie pajamas— and Christian’s wish list had me laughing out loud. Thanks for bringing the cheer this evening!

  11.  

    I appreciate Christian’s perspective. I like the way he butters Santa up, but takes the gift back if he doesn’t get what he wants. It’s something a woman would do! ;)

  12.  

    Wow these are great and what a wonderful idea! Thanks also for commenting on my blog.

  13.  

    Another great round of requests! Thanks again for including me. It was a lot of fun.

  14.  

    So here I thought I was the only one who couldn’t get my maternity pants to stay up! Who knew I wasn’t alone?…Yeah, I wish there was a way to give a subtle hint about no more lotions and creams. You’d think the fact that they are stuffed into every nook and cranny of our bathroom would send the message.

    •  

      Maybe we should get t-shirts made up that say “Thanks, but I’m good on lotions and creams this year”? No? Too not-subtle? ;) Hoping Santa brings you some magically well-fitting pants this year, Rachel!

  15.  

    I’m still waiting for my magic machine. But the slippers would be okay, too. Sigh.

    Thanks for including me! Hugs!

  16.  

    I love the poem from Christine! And now thanks to Motherhood on the Rocks, I have the Hot Dog Song stuck in my head. Everyone sing., Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog….

  17.  

    These are so funny. I want the machine that JD asked for. Can’t someone come up with one of those? There are some great blogs to check out here!

    •  

      That’s on my list too…Santa really needs to make that one happen! I love all these blogs and am so grateful to everyone (including you, my friend!) for joining in :)

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