Dec 032012
 

What real moms want for Christmas @meredithspidel #dearsanta

Alright, settle in, Santa, because we’re back this week with more requests from some of my favorite funny moms.  You might be feeling a little nervous about fulfilling all of these wishes, but hey, as far as I can tell, you took the last 11 months off.  So get busy and put those elves to work.   It’s time to make some Christmas dreams come true.

 

 

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Confessions of a Scary Mommy

Source
Check out more of what Scary Mommy has got to say!

To start us off, I am bowing to the queen of honest parenting, Scary Mommy herself.  In telling the truth so purely, she leaves you both smarting in pain from laughing so hard and feeling blissful relief after realizing you’re more normal than you thought.  What would make this very cool mom’s holiday?:

Dear Santa,

You probably were planning on skipping my house this Christmas, me being Jewish and all, but I would love it if you’d reconsider. Since the kids don’t count on you for presents, I was thinking maybe we could make arrangements for you to just hang out with them for a while — no image to keep up, no ho-ho-ho-ing, just chilling out with a few great kids. It would be a nice break in your long evening and I’ll even make you some treats for the reindeers. I, of course, will take the opportunity to take of and enjoy some alone time, knowing that my kids are in good hands. It’s a win for everyone, right? And it would really make me believe in Christmas magic. Looking forward to it!

Love,

Jill, aka Scary Mommy

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Ashley is pregnant.  This means she gets bonus points and you have to give her exactly what she wants:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Xmas is:
*This baby OUT (healthy and happy of course, but OUT OUT OUT)
*And for the porn star boobage that came with the LAST kid to stick around a little bit longer. Because that was really awesome and then really sucky once they deflated into pancakes. So yeah, that or a boob job.
 

Love, Ashley from It’s Fitting

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Super power

Source
Any way we can get some of this magic happening?

Mind throwing a super power FemmeFrugality’s way?:

Dear Santa,

This year I’d like to ask you for Hiro Nakamura’s power to be a master of the space/time continuum.  I don’t need the part where you can travel  backwards and forwards in time.  I’m not going to pretend like I’m responsible enough to manage that.  I would like to be able to shut my eyes really tight and freeze it on occasion, though.  I’d use my found time to clean the house every once in a while, get homework done, and maybe even take an occasional nap.  I know I’m asking for a lot, but you visit every child’s house in the world over the course of one night, so I figure you’ve got something up your sleeve.
 
If that doesn’t work out, a literally bottomless box of diapers would do me just fine.

Lots of Love,

Femme Frugality

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Paige isn’t asking for much, only Adam Levine and a few other things:

Dear Santa,

How are you? If I had to hazard a guess, you’re what some would call, “Busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest”. As far as behavior goes, I’d say this was a breakout year for me. No smoking. No  drinking. Brought a brand new baby into the world. You and I know I usually ask for the same things every year: world peace, a bra that can be worn for seven days without needing to be washed, and for Aldi to start  sacking groceries. However, this year, I’d like you to find it in your heart to bring me yoga pants that make it look like I had a tummy tuck, a spare elf to cut my hair and dye my roots (don’t tell him where he’s going or he may back out…perhaps send a blind elf who can cut hair by feel), and Adam Levine to sing at my birthday party in July.

Oh …and world peace.

Sincerely,

Paige of There’s More Where That Came From

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clock

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Go ahead and play with time a little

4 extra hours in Sabrina’s day doesn’t seem like it would be so hard to deliver:

Dear Santa,

I could really use 4 extra hours to my days.  Who doesn’t need more time, really?  Even you must feel the time crunch trying to deliver all those presents in one night?!?  If I had 4 extra hours I might actually be able to clean my house a little everyday, exercise, spend time with my husband & dog, and get in a little time to relax at the end of the day before I sleep.  Oh how sweet it would be to have a little more time in my day!  Thanks Santa! 

xoxo

Sabrina of Neverland Nook

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Listen, if you can’t manage the little blue box, just give Steph a nap at the very least!

Dear Santa, 

You’ve been so good to me all year (thanks bunches for that bought of Hand Foot and Mouth Disease…) that I hesitate to ask for more, but if you have room in your sleigh, I could really use:
 
1. A housekeeper. Or just someone to flush the toilet after my husband.
 
2. A box of wine. Yes, you read that correctly: a box.
 
3. If you can make #1 and #2 happen (nope, not a another reference to the toilet), this one should be a cinch: a nap. Like a fall-asleep-as-soon-as-my-head-hits-the-pillow kind of nap. A nothing-but-dreams-of-a-thinner-younger me kind of nap. A only-wake-when-rested-not-when-a-toddler-thrusts-his-finger-up-my-nose kind of nap. 

Thanks, Santa! You’re swell!

Steph of When Crazy Meets Exhaustion

P.S. If there were a little blue box in my stocking, I wouldn’t cry.

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Anna, of My Life and Kids is a mom after all of our hearts with her simple request:

What I really want is to be able to trust a sneeze – and a fart.

And by the way, Santa, Anna has a really great ebook, Fun Holiday Traditions.  You might want to check this out to get some tips in case things are getting a little monotonous up there at the North Pole and you’re looking for something new to shake things up.

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Melissa is being more than reasonable with her wishes:

Dear Santa:

I have been a very good girl this past year and would love to get a new DVD carrying case rack. My rack is currently overflowing with kids DVDs and I want my own DVD rack for my own personal DVDS. I would also love breakfast in bed with unlimited time to sleep in the am. Lastly, I want a nice weekend away for our anniversary which is a week before you come to visit our house Santa. Thanks!

–Melissa of The Mommyhood Chronicles

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scotch

Source
This one’s on Dani this year

Dani will round out our week with a very kind offer to leave you a scotch in exchange for fulfilling her wishes, so be generous:

Dear Santa,

Here are my 3 wishes . . .

1. The luxury of having my child eat what I put in front of her for at least 2 meals each day. This current set-up of cooking 6+ different things 3 times a day is adding far too many grey hairs on this red head of mine.

2. An email from you the day before (or at least the morning of) a nap strike so I can plan accordingly. You have no idea how much lighter our wine budget would be if you could do this for me. 

3. A guarantee our local grocery store will have fully stocked shelves each night so I can grocery shop after The Kid is in bed and never again in this lifetime endure the nightmare that is navigating groceries and a toddler through our underground parking garage. Just the idea of never having to do this again makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

There you have it. That’s all I want. Just 3 itsy bitsy things to help me maintain what little amount of sanity I have left.

See you on the 24th, Santa. I’ll make sure to have a glass of scotch waiting for you, but I can’t promise there will be any cookies left.

With Love,

Dani xo, of Cloudy With a Chance of Wine

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Keep your eyes peeled for the next couple weeks as more very relatable Christmas wishes are on the way.  And yes, I’m still dangling that carrot of having The Bloggess chime in too!  In the meantime, if you’ve got something Santa needs to hear, let us know below.  Merry Christmas dreaming, everyone.

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Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, dedicatedly earning her title one epic parenting fail at a time. When her kids aren't busy pummeling each other with Legos or requiring their 16th sippy cup refill of the day, she tries to offer quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents of the world and all their empathizers. She remains entirely terrified by crafts, promises to never share any useful household tips, and is fully committed to a less serious look at the world of parenting.

Latest posts by Meredith (see all)

  52 Responses to “What Moms REALLY Want for Christmas: Week 2”

  1.  

    Some more really awesome letters this week and loved them all. I think Santa is going to be mighty busy filling al our requests here, but we have all been so good, why shouldn’t he, lol!!

  2.  

    Hee hee hee. These are AWESOME!

    Thanks for including me!!!

  3.  

    Ohmygoodness!! I laughed SO hard at these!! To trust a sneeze and a fart–AMEN!!! I love Mommy Bloggers! Thanks for inviting me to do this, Meredith! So much fun!

  4.  

    Brilliant! I love these. I never thought to send a Mommy to Santa letter, but I’m off to draft mine. I have plenty of vodka and candy canes…maybe I’ll bribe him with a cocktail too. I loved that idea, Dani!

  5.  

    I’m loving these! :-D

    Can we the other people get in on the game or are you already chock full of great submissions. Let me know. I could bend Santa’s ear (or both of them). ;-)

    •  

      Definitely add your note here in the comments at any time! Santa’s gotta know what you need, and we’d love to hear too! Thanks for playing along :)

  6.  

    These did not disappoint! Laughing out loud over here. It sounds like the big gift this year for us moms is a nap. I know I need one. :)

    •  

      Honestly, AnnMarie, if I could just get a good nap in, I’d be willing to toss the rest of my list. What we moms won’t do for sleep…!

  7.  

    these are great—i like the one the best–about adding hours to the day, but only if i could also choose to subtract some days hours if i wanted :)

  8.  

    Great requests yet again. Love the idea of having 4 extra hours each day. Even one extra hour would be gloooooorious.

  9.  

    These were great today! Thanks so much for doing this, Meredith. So much fun! :)

  10.  

    Once again, a list of totally reasonable requests which that jerk Santa will probably completely ignore. ;)

  11.  

    Wait… you aren’t supposed to pee when you sneeze? Then me and the boy have been doing it all wrong….

  12.  

    You know what I would just LOVE for Christmas this year? A new Mom-Mobile. Mine has hit the dust. Also a weekend where I don’t have to leave the bed. And not because I’m sick. Also Channing Tatum. Maybe we can combine two and three? Yeah ;D Please and thank you Santa!

  13.  

    Just found your blog and love it! These are absolutely hilarious!

  14.  

    Anna nailed it! So tired of crossing my legs everytime I sneeze… Ashely’s may have made me snort a little too. :)

  15.  

    Love them! Fun reading.

  16.  

    SO fun to read!!! What a great idea to have all these spectacular bloggers share!!! You could start a whole thing over here!! Next could be “New Year’s Resolutions”!!! Then of course “Valentine’s Day wish”! ETC. And any time you could use another blogger to contribute….ahem, ;)

    •  

      Fun idea, Chris! If I ever get up enough stamina for another round, all the credit to you for the inspiration, and you will be first in line!

  17.  

    Love,love love this!!! The sneeze and fart thing? HUL-arious! Thanks for making me LOL this evening! Hopefully I won’t end up sneezing & peeing at the same time!!!!

    •  

      That’s true, Menopausalmother–should have put a disclaimer on this post that these funny ladies might make you pee your pants, so be warned! :)

  18.  

    these were all so hilarious. santa’s gonna be busy making all these mom dreams come true!

  19.  

    Awesome lot of letters!! I seem to have missed week 1…on my way to remedy that now!!

  20.  

    These are so great! Thanks for putting this together, Meredith!!!

  21.  

    Another great collection…and to Paige I say, “We’re supposed to WASH our bras? ” ;) Just kidding. Or am I???

  22.  

    Wait, I didn’t know this either. Just proves these notes are valuable not just for fun, but educational as well ;)

  23.  

    Oh my goodness. LMAO! I love the one with 4 hours of sleep! I want that too! I love reading all the answers. THe most perfect post!

  24.  

    Wouldn’t 4 extra hours be grand?! You’re so great, Mel :) Thanks for checking in and for playing along!

  25.  

    Somehow I missed this post! HIlarious as usual. @Paige – are we really supposed to be washing our bras once a week??? ummmmm oops

  26.  

    Genius!

  27.  

    I LOVE that you’re breaking these out again!!! FUN!!!!!!!

  28.  

    I love every single thing about this list. I’m cracking up at the second one! I feel her pain.

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