Oct 102012
 

Sadly, I’m not talking about either of my children pooping in their diapers (yes, again, thanks for noting that my son will still not poop on the potty).  After reading quite a few poop horror stories online lately, I decided it was high time for me to suck it up and share my own tale of defecatory woe.

In general, I don’t fare well in this department.  Let me just going to lay it all out there, dear readers, and admit that I have pooped my pants more times in my 30s than I ever did in all of the rest of my post-diaper days combined.  What has happened to me?!  I’m going to claim some bizarre result of childbirth as I can pretty much directly correlate my difficulties to my postpartum days.  But regardless of the source of my prolific loss of bowel control, my husband is permanently horrified.  Which is, of course, a huge motivator for writing this post–it’s kind of just plain fun to watch him squirm.  He is astonished (and not in a good way) every time I have an “incident”.

Source: Microsoft Office ClipArt
Clearly, I can never have too much of this on hand…

While generally a  loving and forgiving man, he will never be able to move past the occasion in which he found himself hosing down my capris in our yard immediately post birth of our daughter.  Moreover, he will shrivel in humiliation when he realizes I have written this post and sent it out into the blogosphere.  I do also realize that, as I type this, our neighbors will now be putting their homes up for sale rather than continue living in the proximity of the crazy people who wash out their poop-laden clothing in the yard.  But this story begs to be told.

It started in the hospital, hours after baby girl made her entrance into this world.  I was nursing her and then low and behold, I found myself literally throwing my newborn at my husband, screaming “Take her! It’s an emergency!”  Would have been better to have not even tried to make it to the bathroom.  Within minutes I became known around the maternity unit as being “the lady who DOES NOT need colace”.  We had a bit of mess on our hands, and would you believe they actually do not have air fresheners in the hospital?

While I died in mortification, several sharp nurses put their heads together and came up with the idea to coat paper towels with shampoo and lay them over the drain in a hot shower, allowing the steam to permeate the fresh scent throughout the room.  It had truly become and all-hands-on-deck situation for the unit.  Absolutely doing my part to promote teamwork for the staff.

Though the odor situation was somewhat abated, nothing can extract the image of poop gurgling out of places that it should never, ever be ever.  I will stop with the sordid details, but for those of you who have given birth–you know those sweet mesh panties you rock post childbirth?  Yeah…you may want to find another alternative should find yourself in a loose stool scenario….

My daughter is now 14 mo.  How am I faring in the poop department?  I’m proud to report that there have only been a handful more “hospital incidents” as we have so lovingly come to call them.  I think this is good news.  My husband remains absolutely terrorized.

Source
Where I need to be hanging out…ALL. THE. TIME.

I am not saying that this is normal.  But I have tried to explain to my shell-shocked husband that I am not alone with having extreme poop difficulties.  I have read of several such instances on other blogs.  I vividly remember Kim at Let Me Start By Saying‘s post about trying not to crap herself in an elevator at the BlogHer conference.  And who didn’t fall a little more in love with Anna at My Life and Kids when she blogged at In the Powder Room about how she snagged her husband by pooping in her pants?  Her post was then followed up with a guest post by Stephanie over at Binkies and Briefcases who shared that poop had played a major role in the evening of her marriage proposal.  And my absolutely favorite post on the hot topic of poop is from Pish Posh, when she wrote about the horrors created by some pre-graduation ceremony pizza.

See I’m really not the only one.  Lots of people are poop-challenged, really…really.  Really?!  Tell me I’m not totally crazy or really bite the bullet, my friends, and leave your own poop horror story or link to one below.  In the meantime, I will probably just be hanging out on the toilet, trying to avoid a future such incident.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
The following two tabs change content below.
Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, dedicatedly earning her title one epic parenting fail at a time. When her kids aren't busy pummeling each other with Legos or requiring their 16th sippy cup refill of the day, she tries to offer quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents of the world and all their empathizers. She remains entirely terrified by crafts, promises to never share any useful household tips, and is fully committed to a less serious look at the world of parenting.

Latest posts by Meredith (see all)

  52 Responses to “Pooping Your Pants: The Adult Years”

  1.  

    Hi, I’m Anne from Life on the Funny Farm (http://annesfunnyfarm.blogspot.com) visiting from Finding the Funny.

    Very funny. I have a poop tale or two of my own I could spin, but I’m not a poop-and-tell kinda gal! Sorry, you’ll just have to be left wanting….

    Anyway, it’s nice to “meet” you. I hope you can pop over to my blog and say hi sometime if you get the chance.

  2.  

    HAHAHA! Thanks for the laugh this morning, Meredith!! I won’t share the gory details, but my most memorable incidence involves a lot of beer and hot wings from Hooters…I’ll leave it at that. ;)

  3.  

    I had the exact opposite problem. lol But it’s good to see you can talk so openly about this!!! ha ha

    •  

      Trust me, it was push to share this story and yes, something is definitely wrong we me–everyone else does have the opposite problem!

  4.  

    Hahahahah! This is hilarious! I think I got lucky in the childbirth department in that it didn’t cause any poo-related problems, but now I’m afraid to ever have a baby again, since I keep reading about all these “side-effects” that can happen! Of course, now that I put it in writing that I haven’t had any problems, I fear that I may have jinxed it! All the more reason why it is always a good idea to have “emergency toilet paper” (which my husband tells me is neurotic, but I think I’m just being prepared for all eventualities).

    •  

      Crap. (excuse the pun) I think you did just jinx it. Now you have to get pregnant again for the sole reason that you might score a really awesome poop story that will make us laugh. Looking forward to it and yes, keep that emergency tp close…

  5.  

    Oh my! Poop tales galore! ;) what can I say, we are *seksay* ladies!! no one ever said our thirties would be like this! I have to say though that childbirth is a better excuse than pizza :) hilarious Meredith!

    •  

      Totally going to rip off your phrase for forever now–we are definitely “seksay” beyond measure. Thanks for the original inspiration, my dear genius blogger!

  6.  

    I may or may not have intentionally nursed both my children while sitting on the potty… :) More than once. In a public restroom.

  7.  

    Wow if that isn’t an ad for birth control, I don’t know what is. Tell a teenager she might actually lose bowel control and she might actually say no! Awesome story.

  8.  

    I love how you’ve come ‘clean’ so to speak with your adult pants pooping incidents! The hubs (and his bro) have had a fair few incidents between them – enough for us to have coined the word ‘shart’ – over the 9 years or so since I’ve known them. I was always incredulous (amused too) but mainly I could not believe it could be that tricky to differentiate a poop from a fart….. until the day it happened to me :O

    Then I was mortified!

    I’m a lot more forgiving now.. and A LOT more cautious when the urge to break wind is upon me!!!!

    •  

      Indeed! Heed that warning urge and proceed with caution–sounds like sharting can be a very tricky business! Thanks for sharing :)

  9.  

    Love the honesty! And I feel for your husband. I’m sure he’s completely mortified. I had a poop issue of sorts last year but that was corrected with the one-day surgery I had. Good luck!

  10.  

    Love that you were brave and shared this! :)

    •  

      Ha! It only took me 14 mo. to work up the courage. At this rate, my next embarrassing story should be out in about a year!

  11.  

    While I’ve had some near misses in the pant-pooping department (why do I always have to go on the way home from the grocery store when I still have to load up the stroller, grab the 1-year-old, and navigate through 2 sets of doors, ride in an elevator, and get through our front door???!), it’s the gas that gets me. I used to be able to clench and keep that stuff in, but not anymore. Part of my issue is that I’m home with a toddler all day, so I just don’t bother to hold it in, which means that my ability to do it is just lessening. And when we have guests over or we’re out somewhere where I can’t just let them slide, I start to panic. I try really hard to keep them in, but I halfway convince myself I’m going to shoot off of my chair like a rocket. It’s not a pretty sight.

    So glad I’m not the only one who blew my colon out during childbirth!

    Awesome post!

    •  

      I’m so sorry for your “situation”, but I am glad to hear I’m not the only one. What is wrong with us and why did this happen? You have a baby and then all control of your bowels/gastrointestinal system apparently flies out the door! Here’s hoping you can control those panicky moments ;)

  12.  

    Thank you for giving me one more reason not to try a VBAC. Guess there are a couple pros to having the doc cut me open rather than giving the whole “push” route a go. And to think I at one point bemoaned never having the chance at a “normal” delivery….

    If it helps you feel any better though, I will admit to peeing myself just about every cross country race I ran in high school. Learned to become quick friends with Poise pads. No shame in making use of the modern conveniences of our day and age. If you must Depend on something to help you feel more Poised as a woman, than so be it!

    •  

      Yes! This is the primary plus to a C-Section they never tell you about. And yes, it sadly does make me feel better to know you rocked the Poise pads in high school–a lot actually ;) Amazing sentence construction there with your last sentence too–I am snorting in awe!

  13.  

    meredith–you have given me courage–although this has rarely happened to me—i so fear this—and no you are not alone—i know of people that this happens frequently—–i freak out when i have to go away with anyone and there is horrifyingly only one bathroom—you are a brave courageous women and i mean that from the bottom of my heart—i do hope and believe your problem will go away in the very near future!

    •  

      Let’s all hope this, Lynn! Sincere thanks for the encouragement and hoping that those horrid one-bathroom situations are few and far between ;)

  14.  

    OH I needed this laugh…wait…I’m laughing with you…WITH.
    I’ve had a moment. I had problems with my gallbladder and whatever I ate pretty much exited as soon as it hit my lips.
    I was at WalMart…yes of all places.

  15.  

    No, you are most definitely not alone. I pooped on him once – by on I mean exactly where you think. It wasn’t our most romantic tryst ever, that’s for sure. I had surgery. Big, painful, major surgery to fix my issues. I’m mostly better – just occasional peeing is the only problem now.

  16.  

    That is an awesome story. My poor husband knows to push the pedal to the metal if we are ever brave enough to eat at Taco Hell ’cause I rarely make it home without an episode. Visiting form Kelly’s Break Room.

    •  

      I completely know what you mean and thanks for stopping by! But still, I now really want to go to Taco Bell. What is wrong with me?!

  17.  

    While I never officially had any incidents, I have had many ALMOST incidents, and found myself trapped in public bathrooms for upto an hour! All of this because I had my gallbladder removed. For the next 6 years, every bite of food, needed to excape my body with flames of urgency. I didn’t eat while shopping for a VERY long time.

    •  

      “Flames of urgency”! Ha! I’m so sorry for you, but thanks for sharing. This is leaving me snorting–ALMOST incidents are incredibly traumatic too!

  18.  

    I LOVE this post, you are awesome and my new BFF (does it take two to reach BFF status?)! I’ll be back for more. Absolutley! xx – Monica

    •  

      No, besties are instantly identifiable, especially when discussing poop issues are the point of discussion! Thanks, and so glad you checked in :)

  19.  

    Oh dear, now that is a rough byproduct of childbirth. Can’t say I experienced that particular one however, I will say post kids – ‘when I gotta go, I gotta go’ – there is not much “holding it” anymore. Very funny! (came from ftf!)

    •  

      Oh Paula, I must be a complete loser, b/c I have this problem too! And it can be pretty “tricky” to manage, huh? Thanks for sharing and for stopping by!

  20.  

    I am freaken peeing in my pants. I actually have the exact opposite problem as you but I will laugh along with you:) LOL! And those mesh panties- I had a Csection and wore these panties for about a month after. I may or may not have stole about 30 of them. Shhh.. don’t tell- they were comfortable at the time.

  21.  

    This was so funny! My husband remains traumatized by the…um…poop…that he witnessed while I gave birth to our first son. He wasn’t expecting that. He hasn’t recovered. It’s been 8 years.

  22.  

    Poor guy. Maybe give him another 8 yrs. and he’ll come around? Or at least the memory will fade a bit? ;)

  23.  

    Oh so glad I am not alone and just recently too wrote a post about practically pooping so much I was bleeding and thought I was dying!! So glad to read I am not alone on this one :) :) thank you Meredith for sharing!!

  24.  

    I thought I was the only other adult who has s*** their pants more in adulthood than in my youth. This is awesome. If you want some of my own accounts of droppings hot ones in my pants check out http://www.demigoddouche.com and click on the “S***ing your pants is cool” post. Cheers

  25.  

    So glad to have found this so that I know I am NOT ALONE. I do have some poop stories, but ihave been too embarrassed to write them up. I am now inspired to do so!!!! Thanks for sharing this,I know it’s not easy to share things like this!!!

  26.  

    I am giving birth next month and I have always had the fear of pooping while in labor. Thanks for the heads up that it is quite possible afterwards! These are the things I need to know:)

    •  

      Oh gosh, Tara! I so hope this doesn’t happen to you. I think I was an odd case. But if somehow, you have a similar experience, at least you know you aren’t alone!

  27.  

    Firstly, I hope it’s OK for a male to post in this forum. I came across this thread when I googled ‘pooping your pants’ after yet another incident today.
    Anyway, I’m male, 46, and I’ve had incidents all my life, and I certainly can’t blame childbirth. I can’t even say how often it happens, nor is there any particular reason for it happening, but every now and then when I get the urge to go, I just can’t hold it. It doesn’t matter if I’m sitting, driving, standing or walking, if it’s coming it’s coming.
    So, I guess you girls aren’t alone in this, and somehow it helps me to know I’m not alone either!

  28.  

    Mike, any and all commiseration for this “experience” is always appreciated! Sorry for you, but thanks for the comment :)

 Leave a Reply

Current month ye@r day *

Social Media Icons Powered by Acurax Web Design Company